descent into darkness/ blinded by love (couldnt decide which was better)

palms sweating. hands shaking. body quivering with fear of not the unknown, but of the known beings he knows he will encounter in the wings of the abandoned building he is wandering in, desperately searching for his dog. clutching his M-4, Robert is constantly saying to himself that he has to go, knowing that he will surely be killed by infected humans if he continues through the vacant edifice.

as i watched this scene from I am Legend in the latenight hours of the day before my flight back home, it occurred to me that Legend might hold some deep truths about Christmas (i know, random, but thats just how my mind works). in this scene, Dr. Robert Neville (Will Smith, as if you didnt know) defies all danger and all possibility, perhaps certainty, of death to find his dog, Sam (Abbey/Kona), who ran in chasing a deer. he knew that the deadly 'nightseekers' resided in the emptied- out building and were ruthless predators that preyed upon any remaining human, yet, blinded by love for Sam, continued through the darkness. Robert was intent on not leaving the building without his only companion in the world. this is the same kind of Love that Christ displayed when he, motivated only by the rescue of His people, descended into a world of evil and hate and hostility against all reason. in case you havent seen the movie, the nightseekers are the sci- fi eqivalents to vampires and can almost be described as 'anti- humans', as a result of a deadly virus that sprung from a would-be cure for cancer that blanketed the planet three years prior the bulk of the movie(you can actually find many spiritual parallels from this film, but i keep a tight focus). the seekers are nocturnal, an inverse relation to human rhythms. the sun, our most basic source of life, is deadly to them. their pupils are permanently dilated, a sign of mental absence and death in humans. their heart and breathing rates are much higher than humans', showing a weakened ability to produce energy in their bodies. Neville even describes their social patterns as 'completely deevolutionized.'  the seekers are completely separated from their former human selves. this is a parallel to our own separation from God through our death in sin. sin condemned our world, coating it in darkness and encasing us in evil. despite these obvious deterrents, Christ came to our world, wanting so desperately to save those He loved and knowing for certain that His Presence would end in an unthinkably painful death.  like Robert, He devoted His life to saving the human race from death and considered it His personal and only mission to do so, even knowing that so many would not approve of the cure He offered. like Robert, He risked danger and death over and over to 'heal' man from his ailment. near the end of the movie, Neville cries out to the Seekers insisting 'i can help you! i can save you!' but with none would concede. how often to humans act exactly the same way? just as David Crowder put, Christ was the literal Remedy for the sickness that plagued all mankind and death was the only possible inoculation for His cure. there is also a repeated line in the film, 'light up the darkness.' this is exactly what Christ did as He lived in our world. before Him, there was only dark, no Hope for connection with God, yet Christ was the proverbial striking of a match, setting the world ablaze. this was exactly Christ's reason for coming here.

one more thing that occurred to me as i was watching this movie was the question, 'do we do the same thing?' Robert Neville was so desperate to find Sam that he was willing to risk everything in order to do so, but are we so desperate for God that we will crawl into the darkness, risk something to please Him and do His work? will we disregard the danger and the precautions simply to follow Him? i asked myself that question and could not think of many times where i showed that kind of devotion. Christ sacrificed everything to find us, how hard are we searching for Him? 

a descent into darkness: the reason for Christmas

love's razor

salvation isn't the only overcomplicated facet of our lives. we also tend to multiply love and forgiveness unnecessarily. i find so many times when i need to ask for forgiveness that i always have that slight reservation of 'but i need to make sure i don't do it again.' first of all, that probably  isn't even a plausible promise, but that isn't even supposed to take place in the process of forgiveness. there is no room for "God, i do this too much," or any variations of that. there is no point in the 'prodigal son' parable where the father says, "OK, just don't do it again." there is nothing but love and rejoicing in that conclusion. no matter what we encounter, we can always come back to God's love. no matter what, His Love prevails over all. it doesn't matter whether you follow the rules, act right, or anything else, we can fall back on His Love and nothing else matters.

heart: deconstructed

http://www.symbols.com/encyclopedia/20/2018.html

christmas playlist

1. Wizards in Winter, Trans- Siberian Orchestra

2. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Relient K

3. O Come Emmanuel, Robbie Seay Band

4. Feliz Navidad, David Crowder* Band

5. Last Christmas, Wham!

6. Winter Wonderland, Tony Bennett

7. Christmas Time, ALO

8. Wonderful Christmastime, Paul McCartney

9. This Christmas, TobyMac

10. Rudolph the Red- Nosed Reindeer, Jack Johnson

11. The Christmas Song (Chestnuts), James Taylor

12. Christmas Song, Dave Matthews

13. Mary, Did You Know, Mark Lowry

14. The Chanukah Song, Adam Sandler

15. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch, Thurl Ravenscroft

grace's razor

i am a huge fan of simplicity. specifically, i'm a fan of Occam's Razor, the principle that reads, entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem, or entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity. i take this philosophy to almost any context, from my design work to how i organize my biology folder. so many people try  to take something and make it more than it is, change it, adjust, add, concoct, twist, marinate and flambe', and i think to myself, that is just too much, how do you live like that? i just take Occam to his word and shave off whatever's growing too much every morning. that's actually what i like about the maxim; it's not called Occam's principle, theory, or whatever. it's a razor with which you can shave off any aspect that's extravagant and excessive. that's why it bugs me when people take salvation and turn it into this bewildering and convoluted abstraction that completely transcends all human thought. and it's true that God's ways are incapable of being comprehended by the human mind, but the basic idea of Salvation is pretty simple: we were born in sin and separated from God, but Christ's sacrifice took the place of ours, and we're no longer separated. it's simple because grace makes it simple. if our salvation was based on works (which would actually be impossible, but i'm making a comparison), it'd be a heck of a lot more convoluted and confusing. one of my favorite Christian rap artists is this guy called Flame, and he puts it one of the best ways i could think of: the bad news: we were born in sin. the good news: we can be born again. he actually repeats that phrase over and over again in one of his tracks just to stress its simplicity and its significance at the same time. the other important thing is the razor only takes off multiplicity beyond necessity. there are still several aspects about Christ that are crucial and must be kept (he has a beard and it can't be shaven off; all those pictures and Jim Caviezel say so).

watch what i can do

considering the fact that i'm on a tv fast this week, i thought it'd be a good idea to give my special tv-picks-for-shows-that-you-probably-aren't-watching-right-now-but-are-still-good presentation. here's a couple shows that i think fit that mold:

fringe

ok, folks, just stick with me just a second here. i know that the weird-looking, Dawson Creek Dude-starring, x-files for the twenty-first century-looking program might come off looking like a great idea for horrible programming (i used to think the same thing), but this is a quality show that has a fresh look for science fiction and a knack for bugging you out. the only reason i started watching is it comes on just after House and it caught my interest. just as a fair warning, there are some very hoky elements to it, but that's kind of the persona that the show takes on (that's actually why i enjoy it so much). the show follows special agent Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv) who investigates unusual occurrences known as The Pattern with the help of Peter Bishop (Joshua Jackson) and his unstable mad scientist of a father, Walter (John Noble). my personal favorite aspect of the show is Walter and his wacky antics (which are comparable to those of Kramer). if you enjoy science fiction or simply like being weirded out, this show is worth a shot.

life

Detective Charlie Crews(Damian Lewis, who you might recognize as Major Winters from Band of Brothers) has lead a rough life. not only has he spent twelve years wrongfully imprisoned, but his wife (Jennifer Siebel) has left him, he is an outsider among his fellow cops, and he's pretty sure that some one set him up for that triple murder over twelve years ago (one of the ongoing story lines in the show). you wouldn't know that just to talk to Charlie, though. despite all his hardships, he's been able to come up with a new zen outlook on life, accepting his situation and not being attached to worldly objects (although that second part may be due to his untold fortune he received as a settlement from the department). Lewis' supporting cast is comprised of Sarah Shahi, who plays Crews' somewhat troubled partner, Dani Reese, and Adam Arkin, who plays Crews' displaced accountant and former cellmate, Ted Earley (who lives above his garage). smart and indifferent to what people think of him, Charlie is a House for cop shows and an interesting take on an LA detective (plus he loves fruit).

(Ooh! a chance to get spiritual:)

the tagline for Life is 'life was his sentence, life is what he got back,' which is relatable to our situation with salvation. though our sentence is rightly given, our true justification comes in the form of redemption and a new start. we are set free from that bondage of sin and are able to flourish in this fresh life that Christ has given us simply through grace.

a fast quick

after some extensive prayer and reflection this past week, i made a decision to go without tv for seven days (today through saturday). first, this isn't quite so serious  as it might sound. this isn't some serious trial, and i'm not weighing on any hard decisions; i simply feel that i really need to focus and buckle down as it were. i also think that i've really been watching tv too much (when you start having dreams starring Shawn Spencer and Greg House, that could be a sign). the reason i'm posting this is one: if i tell other people, it keeps me honest. and two: i would appreciate your prayers as i've never fasted before (i couldn't even do that 30 hour fast thing in high school). thank you very much (and don't tell me what happens in House this week).

the matrix has you

10:56 AM: as i leave my room for my 11:oo brit lit class, thoughts race through my mind about my professor's sinister promise to lock the doors once class starts for the rest of the semester (all of 3 remaining classes) and i suddenly quicken my pace. i start thinking that something is terribly wrong, so i look in my hands and suddenly realize that my notebook isn't in either of them. i instantly race back to my room to retrieve it and try to will my unnecessarily heavy door to close faster once i acquired the vital fold of paper. i promptly speed towards the Jennings building much like a corporate magnate that is late for a meeting, but refuses to run because of his indispensable dignity. Before i know it, i scale three flights of stairs with a speed that would rival Eric Liddell's and plow into class, desperately trying to mask my body's insatiable need for oxygen as i sit down (all the while remembering that my professor ALWAYS needs to iterate his lectures twice and that wednesday was only session one of his proverbial schpeel about Shelley's 'Ode to the West Wind').

11:01 AM: i slowly regain my composure in my seat/desk that really should be reserved for grade schools and try to focus on the semi- heard oration on the purpose of poetry, perception of reality, the distortion of experience, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera (don't get me wrong, here. my brit lit professor is actually one of the best teachers i've ever had). i catch a few dispersed thoughts in my not-rainy-but-completely-cloudy-day-that-makes-you-think-of-desolation-and-despair state of mind that sound of 'remembered thoughts are greater than the initial reaction to reality' and 'absolute relation of experience requires an artist's touch' and my introspective cognition immediately turns to quotes from Morpheus of 'The Matrix' (the one that was actually good). "what is real? how do you define real? if real is what you can feel, smell, taste, and see, then 'real' is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain." "welcome to the Real World." "what if you were unable to wake from that dream? how would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?" i'm sure these are all thoughts that have run through our minds at one point or another. however, i would define 'real' as something that is actually there. something that, irrelevant of what we feel or touch or experience, is there. this would have to be something independent and based on nothing but absolute truth; perhaps even something unprovable by our own thoughts. i've often thought that our lives are actually synonymous with The Matrix; that we're plugged into this false reality, perceiving that this life is the real thing and Heaven is somehow less because it's intangible. but the fact is Heaven is more real than this place. right now we are experiencing an earthly life and waiting to be "unplugged" from this lowly reality. that once we are in Heaven, we'll truly experience reality; the reality God intended us to feel.

11:32 AM: as i seep out of the trance of my own thoughts, i continue to carelessly jot down the phrases my professor emphasizes the most and, once i get the carrots out of my ears, begin to listen as he relates the assertions of Shelley, Coleridge, and Wordsworth to Platonic theory. The passionate orator continues to point out this analogy proposed by Plato:

most of the people in this world are like remnants of a cave, viewing shadows on a wall projected by a fire filtered by cut-out shapes and accepting this sight as their reality. only a few will view this and believe that shadows don't just appear; they have to come from somewhere, so they turn around and investigate. they've never seen direct light before, so they are blinded at first, but as their eyes adjust, they see the fire and the shapes and realize what the shadows really are. only a few of these will investigate further and venture out of the caves, and as their eyes adjust again, view a completely new world, complete with colors and shapes they've never seen before. they come to a lake and see in the reflection trees and mountains and stars in the sky and think to themselves, "this has to be the real world." still, only a few of these will look up and see the actual trees, mountains, stars and think, "this has to be the real world."

i think to myself, "isn't that so true." so many of us are trapped in a cave believing that this world and this life is all there is to it. very little of us will stop to think, "no, there has to be more." we venture out and realize that though the truth is so much more threatening, it is completely liberating at the same time. there are also those who are so frightened by this outside truth that they will cower back into the cave and pretend that the cave is all there is (much like Joe Pantoliano's character in Matrix).

11:48 AM: my professor reminds the class that we will be going over Keats on monday (and i remember he made the same promise about today on wednesday) and dismisses the class. i'm the first one out of the room because i drank coffee before class and have to get going like yesterday. and i think to myself, "this is so going to be a blog."

a heavenly connection

i love prayer. just the thought of communication with the God of the entire Universe gets me so excited and thankful for the fact that we serve an accessible, loving, and forgivable God. you often hear the analogy of Michael Jordan or somebody wanting you to be on his team is like God choosing us, but i think that the two instances are simply incomparable. who the heck is MJ? this is GOD we're talking about; the beginning and the end the great I AM! (yeah, i know its just an analogy, but you get my point) the great thing about prayer, though, is that it is essentially unnecessary (stick with me here, i'm making a point). we know God is omniscient; He knows what we need and what we think of Him, and everything else, but He's not just the Loving God that fulfills our needs, He's the Loving God that wants to hear us cry out in our insufficiency and lowliness to ask Him for fulfillment. one thing that we need to remember, though, is God always has those three answers at His disposal: yes, no, and wait. just because we rely on Him and put our faith in Him through our prayers doesn't ensure us an affirmative answer. we fall into this misled thought because we often make prayer about ourselves, not Him. this about communication with and faith in God, nothing else.

favorite analogies

(i need a picture, so i'll just put this picture of a building that looks like Orthanc)

selling out is like rolling your belly: the only people who look down on it are the ones without the skill to do so.

free time is like a political office: you work real hard to get it, but once you do, you don't know what to do. (ode to Robert Redford)

children are like hiccups: they're fun to watch when they're someone else's, but when you have them yourself, you just want to get rid of them.

feel free to add some more in a comment

a certain time

i usually don't like posting about something because of a certain holiday or event. i held back during the election and halloween recently because i felt like i would've been putting those up just because of the particular event and not because there was something i really wanted to say. i changed my mind for Thanksgiving, though, after seeing something in church this morning that bugged me a little to be quite honest. during the worship service, they showed a video about 'what Thanksgiving was all about.' there was stuff like,"it's not about food," "not about family," etc. i thought, "that's strange, family's a good thing, right?" (that's a completely different discussion, which i won't go into). then the video went into how Thanksgiving "should be a time to be thankful for all God has given us." the reason this bugged me is i thought, "shouldn't we be doing that already?" here we're talking about a time to be thankful, but we should be thankful all the time. i mean, i don't denounce taking the time to be together as a family (or as much of the family as possible, as i'm doing), but for some reason, some people think of it as the time reserved for being thankful. you might be able to say that it could be something of a thankfulness "checkpoint" to examine how thankful you are the rest of the year and if you are regularly thanking the Lord for His blessings, as it can be difficult when we are excessively blessed (isn't that interesting? the more thankful we should be, the less likely we are exactly that?). i believe that if you're regularly thankful and grateful to God for all you have received from Him, then Thanksgiving can be purely focused on family and friends (and stuffing).

there is life

isn't it great how death isn't the end of the story of the cross? after taking into account all that Christ had to suffer through, He was raised from His grave and raised us from ours.  the concept of our New Life from His Death has to be the most abstract idea to think about. and this Life isn't just the kind that comes after life on earth; it is immediately attained by accepting the Gift from Christ, made possible by the cross. Christ said He came that we may have life "more abundantly," meaning that our lives on Earth will be more fulfilling and have more purpose as a result of our submission to Him. this comes from the joy in new life: that we don't have to be slaves to sin and there's a choice when it comes to how we live our lives. we have been transformed by the renewing of our spirit (sounds familiar, right?). it comes from the hope we have in the Life to come: that no matter what, there's a happy end to the story and, in fact, there doesn't have to be an end. if we think about it though, Life mostly comes from the purpose that we receive through the commission that Christ gives to all who believe in Him.

there is death

for most people, the initial interpretation of the cross symbol is simply a representation of any Christ- based religion.  the cross' use in jewelry, Christian posters, clothing, and other items have made it unbelievably ubiquitous (even more so than the chrome- colored Christian fish).  with this overuse comes a numbness to its meaning and a lack of understanding.  even Christians can lose a genuine understanding of the Cross (guilty).  sometimes we get it half- right by remembering Christ died and was the atonement for our sins, was the ultimate sacrifice, cleansed our souls...  (ever wonder how meaningful words can sound so meaningless?). we got it. Christ died. but what we don't get is how Christ died. He endured more pain than we could ever hope or ever want to understand. He suffered not only physically but what ridiculed and scoffed at by those who had just welcomed Him with joyful cries and waving branches just a few days earlier. not to mention betrayed by one who was supposed to be one of His closest friends. i imagine that the anxiety that Christ felt in anticipation of what he knew he was about to experience. i'll even bet that Christ was hoping God was giving Him a test similar to Abraham, who at the last second was given a way out of the sacrifice he was told he had to give. nonetheless, Christ endured what He had to, all the while thinking of those he loved the most.

focus

focus is absolutely essential in our lives. we need to focus while driving to stay safe. we need to focus on our work so that we are efficient and accurate. but the most important focus is  the focus on God. just like quality work requires focus on a task, we need to focus on God in order to live in a way pleasing to Him. we can't follow God if we don't focus on who He is and what He wants for us. its also very difficult to keep our focus. it can result from even the slightest digression from Godly thoughts.  work, responsibilities, hobbies, even things that seem good like family can take our minds off God if we dwell on them too much (don't misunderstand me, family is important; just not relatively). i can recall several times when, in the middle of a church service, i simply think, "who's that?" or "what does this song actually mean?" and cease understanding or thinking about the point of the song or message. unfortunately, i don't have any profound advice on keeping focus or resisting outside thoughts. i can only say that when i pray extensively for focus and more or less "enter the zone" of worship (i really don't know what it is, just like a mindset or something), that's when i find focusing on God and His Will the easiest.

bound to freak you out

star frame

the image of a star is quite an oddity. with all we know about stars and their form, we still repeatedly depict them and recognize them with angled points (usually with the ubiquitous five- point; "why five?" ive always wondered). the reality of a star is shrunken from infernal blaze, nearly infinite energy, and beyond blinding light to a few triangles when depicted. even the immense pictures we have of our galaxy captured with our most advanced technology hardly gives us an idea of what firsthand encounter would be like. we often do the same thing when it comes to God. we know and acknowledge that God is infinitely powerful and wonderful... (ive often caught myself just repeating the word 'blah' in my prayers). still, when thinking about God and certain situations, we come up short- sided. we cant help but box God in a little frame. not only that, but like adding triangles to a star, we tend to add certain more human- like qualities to Him (constraints of time and space, human emotions, etc.) and make God something entirely different in our minds. this problem may never escape us, but if we take the time to only acknowledge God for what we know Him to be and leave the rest (see sweet uncertain) we might just be able to gain a better understanding of who He is.

faustus' tradeoff

after reading Doctor Faustus in my British Lit class at mc, my professor went over some themes found in the work.  among those covered were the futility and imminence of life, man's need for something better than what he has, and the risk of seeking the unreachable (along with several allusions to Icarus and Daedalus). however, my professor never referred to the much iterated Matthew 16: 26, which i found interesting. that lead to my personal study into the matter, and eventually into this sketch.

visual representation of immense boredom as a result of waiting at an auto shop for three hours

(please disregard nonsensical adjectives in upper left corner)

the ultimate change

Salvation through Christ is not a passive, serene process. it is dynamic, explosive, and revamping procedure. it changes us from the condemned and guilty enemies of God to His chosen, righteous children. the problem is that this is something already done for us and we simply accept it.  if salvation was something that occurred at the precise moment we wanted it to, my guess is we wouldn't even be able to handle it and be completely devastated (physically).  instead, we accept Salvation after the fact. because of this, there isn't much initial change in our behavior. the only thing that changes is the spiritual crossover from death to life (thank you LeCrae). however, we do know that our spirits have been changed so radically that it will affect us in our lives and the way we act.

sweet uncertain

"i surrender, im surrounded by my mind. and as the white flag gently waves, it spirits me away. i raise my hands 'cause i can't awake my voice. im hemmed in once again by the sweet uncertain." goes the song sweet uncertain by Braddigan.  sometimes we do feel surrounded, trying to understand God. we get so caught up trying to figure out things that are hopelessly unfigurable (check righteoustified under "life on purpose"). little do we realize sometimes that impossibility is the very nature of God. impossibility to understand, to comprehend, to put in a nice little box ("as the heavens are above the earth..."). sometimes we need to raise that white flag and rest in the fact that we do serve a God who is way more than we can understand. one thing ive noticed about the way we describe God is the word "wonderful" comes up a lot. the first definition that would come up for "wonderful" is mostly a simple synonym for "good" or "great." while this is a common misconception, this is one of the truest things about God; He is full of wonder. the beauty of God is the mystery of God. "won't you come and fill this place..."

expressive representation of the overly bored mind

life and death

to me, one of the quintessential concepts of Christianity is from philippians 1:21. the idea of both living like Christ and having to die to your own impulses and humanity in order to truly live that life really struck a cord with me when i was first introduced to it. when i initially outlined some sketches to illustrate this concept, i tried a mathematical theme (0+1=3; 1-1=1), but the sketches didn't seem to truly match the verse and were scattered without a specific focus. i finally landed on the idea of a sickle. The initial response to the image for most people in our society would probably be death, as a sickle is mostly associated with the "angel of death."  That's the first half of the image.  However, at its simplest form, a sickle represents a harvest, as in reaping crops. This part of the image represents the new life we have in Christ. I used the image along with a red tree (representing death on the cross and, in some ways, life) and green, vine- like shapes in order to emphasize the idea in this watercolor. 

what it is and how it was

as a kid, i always felt different. sure, thats the case with most kids growing up, but i didn't know that. also, that feeling was only strengthened by my 3 older siblings' persistent claims that i was an alien left on our families front step when i was 1 (curse of the youngest child). as a result, i grew up with the attitude that i didn't want to be like other kids and that i'd dance to my own tune (literally). my parents and former teachers can attest to that. that mindset was strengthened once again when sometime in the fourth grade i first heard the song Jesus Freak by my favorite band DC Talk, and realized that the call of Christ is to be different and stand out in the crowd (even though the message of the song is to be unashamed in your faith). in light of my near obsession of that Jesus Freak ideal (i not only loved the song, but bought the books based on that theme), i tried to live out my faith in every aspect in my life. namely, my growing interest in art. so, when i was registering my first design software on my mom's computer and the question came up, what company do you work for?, it took me 2 seconds to think of it: Freak Studios. the rest is history (but so is everything else that happened before this moment).